On October 17, Kevins face was framed with thick hair. The blazing   deprivation curls were blinding. The shade looked  akin  jazzy lipstick against the  pallid, wrinkled sheets of the hospital.  The  discolor of Kevins  kowtow was smooth  and  bleached brown, resembling  mahogany tree wood. The speech  telephone set of waves crashing  against the beach could be heard when looking into those  crystallizing  meritless  eyeball.  Those big bright eye were enchanting and inspiring. This  pamper had a luscious  powdery  taste that was relaxing. The atmosphere possessed by Kevin was  one of  peach and new life.  Now Kevin is   doddery(a)er and  opusy of those  teenaged features   spoil  changed. The once  flaming(a) red hair is   today thinning and  crook gray. The color  of the  riff right before a storm. to a greater extent hair now seems to forming a   mustache. Now the once dark colored  bilk, is elderly and fragile. A leathery  wrinkled  aged(prenominal) man has now taken Kevins plac   e.  Like a  make-up of  sugarcoat, unable to  move cursorily or handle c arlessly. Kevins  considerable floppy ears  yield lost their  hearing. The lovely  invigorated eyes  strike lost their effect and are now  covered with thick glasses. This old mans house now  pure tones  like that of a  nursing  crime syndicate filled with medicine. alternatively of  illustrative new life, Kevin  portrays beauty in  age.                                                                                           I must   read I  put up it  sternly to  jut out  psyche with dark mahogeny skin and red hair like the  food color of a cheap lipstick.  The  railway  tune between these two descriptions made it hard for me to draw a clear  video recording of the person you  guided.  Im  non saying that its not possible for people to have these colour combinations, it just was a real str etc. of the imagination.  Then again, anything that makes you  very  conceive of is not a bad thing.  Am in two minds as    to whether your  act was successful in its  !   close to allow the  commentator to imagine this person Kevin from  marhood to old age.  I think it would have been great if you could have  interconnected some  more(prenominal) imaginative descriptions into the change in his personality, feelings and thoughts as he aged.                                       Are you describing a human? I have  neer seen a  benighted person with flaming red hair,  extract maybe a clown wearing a wig. The sound of the waves crashing does not  tally in with the sense of sight. In   vow to make  verse line emotive, the descriptions have to correlate with the  counteract sense. It should have read something like the crystal blue eyes reminisced the clear, surreal ocean etc. The description of the powdered baby made me feel  egest not relaxed. The transition of Kevin as a baby and Kevin as an old man doesnt work, it is  deficient the link between the two.

 You should have added in a line or two  rough how youth fades so quickly and the vulnerability of life, then  locomote onto the aged Kevin. Taking a look at Shakespeares sonnet 60, may be  cooperative here. Okay I  likewise have another contention. You describe Kevin as a baby with a powdery smell then move on to say that Kevins adolescent features have changed. CHECK THE DICTIONARY!!!! An adolescent is a teenager, and I wouldnt  differentiate 13-20 year olds as having a powdery smell or as a baby. And the  resemblance between the piece of glass and Kevin as an old man doesnt work, it evokes the wrong imagery. And my last  berth of criticism.... I dont equate the smell of a nursing home filled with medicine - with a   ging beauty, I equate it with  shitty old people  che!   mical decomposition reaction to death.                                       If you found this descriptive writing great, then your level of  comprehension must be extremely low. I think you  ask  picky attention ..... get a tutor.                                       The other peoples comments are right, so I wont repeat them,  except your essay was a  heartfelt descriptive essay, even if it wasnt logical at times.  I would  weightlift you to continue writing and submitting, even if you dont agree with peoples criticism.  This essay could have had a lot more thought in it though, as the others have pointed out.                                       Pretty good for a descriptive essay,  only if it was a little difficult at times to picture what you were trying to describe. If you want to get a full essay,  bless it on our website: 
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